Blessings in disguise

Today at work I saw a woman who looked like she wanted to snap of somebody's head. I tried to avoid making eye contact in fear that her glare may bruise my soul. Instead, I just skillfully watched her children in the pool to make sure they were safe and happy. Later she walked over to say something to them, and while doing so smiled at me and asked me how I was doing. I realized at that moment how I was practically writing this woman off as the grim reaper because of her default face. Goooo Aly. I could have smiled at her earlier and known this, but alas I chose the latter. 

I've also come to the realization that I'm not as accepting as I think that I am. I tolerate imperfections, flaws, annoyances really well from people that I love, and people that I care about. But I've noticed I'm not as ok with these things from people I don't know well. I've had a extremely low tolerance for people lately. Ignorant people, over eager, rude... Just in general. I've felt extremely overwhelmed by them and their mannerisms. But I've noticed in the past few days, that when you truly, and extremely care about someone in any way whatsoever, you're willing to accept, look past, and even begin to understand their imperfections, flaws and tiny little perks. As far as everyone else, well, maybe this has just been a lately type of thing. First step is realizing you're not doing something right. And I am certainly not... I'm of course not being rude, just not being as patient as I know I should and can be. 

Before you pack your things and go...

Just a quick post to share with everyone all the incredible things I have to look forward to this year:

Friday 29th: LC girls party+tie-dyeing

June 5th: grandparents drive from Illinois :)

June 6th: High school graduation

June 7th: High school grad. party

June 13-21: BLUE RIDGE LEADERS' SCHOOL 2009. :D

July 4th-24th: THAILAND. :)

Well, then along comes August and I move to Lynchburg, VA for Liberty :)

Ah praise you, Jesus for making my heart so excited for all these wonderful things to look forward to!

Carlos

My fish, Carlos died tonight.

Well, technically this morning. It's 2:17 AM and I found him... and hourish ago. Now, I don't feel so much like sleeping. I am thoroughly upset. Silly, you may think. But, I've had this fish for longer than a year & I became quite attached. He came with me to camp while I worked there for the entire last summer. (thank you Millers for feeding him and letting him live in the log cabin) He's been quite the comforter during sad times. 

I got him some new friends and a new tank--He loved it at first...but then something happened, and his eyes turned white...Next thing I knew he wasn't swimming anymore... ah, and do I replace him? I don't think I ever could. He was the best. 

Thank you, Carlos for being the best fish a girl could ask for.

and thank you, who is reading an entire blog about a girl mourning her fish.

-Aly

Sometimes, I just feel like disappearing.

Jesus, Your love has no bounds.

Do you ever feel like, no matter how hard you fight,

it's just a pathetic display  of your willpower?

But You were strong enough.

I'm falling on my knees; offering all of me.

Jesus, you're all this heart is living for.

Sometimes my heart hurts, sometimes I am jealous, sometimes I am sad, sometimes I don't know what to do, sometimes I am broken, sometimes I try harder than anyone notices, sometimes I wait a long time with no answer, sometimes I forget to listen, sometimes I forget what I stand for, sometimes I make decisions that I shouldn't, sometimes I reach too high, sometimes I lose hope, and sometimes I am scared; truly and honestly scared. 

I would never actually like to admit that. But this is my blogger in which no one ever reads. 

I'm scared. I'm scared about this summer going to Thailand and I'm scared about this fall attending Liberty University. I shouldn't worry- because God's plan for my life is going to be incredible. But, knowing that- I'm still afraid of being unsuccessful more than anything. 

I am eternally blessed, I have a father who loves me unconditionally, I am used by Christ, I am in love with Him, I have security in eternal life, I have a father who has overcome the world, I am never alone, when I am weak; my God is my strength, when I am strong; He makes me stronger, I serve the God who created the beginning and the end, He chooses to use a wretch like me, I am constantly growing in His love, my faith cannot be shattered, my hope lies in His truth, my heart belongs to Him, I have confidence that He will carry me through, He notices all the things that I do, He knows my sincerity, He reminds me to listen, when I break He puts me back together again-strong than before,  He has commanded me to be strong and courageous, truly and honestly strong and courageous.

I've realized, you can never truly see God's plan for your life when your eyes are filled with tears. To be fearful is ludicrous considering the fact that the only human to escape death, whose father created the very essence of my being, is on MY side.

...But I've got this whole, constant sick-to-my stomach feeling that doesn't want to leave me alone. So, prayer requests? Well, one that the 80+ support letters I sent out would be praying about supporting me-because there is a deadline soon and I will need 50% of the money for Thailand by then. Also, for me as I'm trying to spiritually and mentally prepare myself for the trip... And for discipline in my studies. I think that sums it up.

Thank you :o)

-Aly

Because that's the way it is.

Sometimes I can be discouraged so easily.

I want to have faith, but it's slipping away from me no

matter how hard I try to hold on it seems. I have very

many decision to make, and tests to study for, & papers

to write- but there never seems to be enough time in

the world. WHYYYYYY must I have to blindly choose

what to do when it comes to this fall? Now, I know that's

not completely legit, I am earnestly praying for where God

would have me, but He hasn't replied. That leaves me feeling

scared and in the dark, even though I know he doesn't mean

for it to. 

I have so much reading to do, I've really let myself get behind.

No good, no good. Also, I woke up this morning with a sick bug...

and in a very awful mood. I'm feeling a bit better now, though-

thank you Lord. but wow, this blog SHOULD be labeled "How

many things can Aly complain about in 5 minutes." I truly am

sorry for to you if you're reading this, because it's out of

character. 

OK, bye.