Jesus, Your love has no bounds.

Do you ever feel like, no matter how hard you fight,

it's just a pathetic display  of your willpower?

But You were strong enough.

I'm falling on my knees; offering all of me.

Jesus, you're all this heart is living for.

Sometimes my heart hurts, sometimes I am jealous, sometimes I am sad, sometimes I don't know what to do, sometimes I am broken, sometimes I try harder than anyone notices, sometimes I wait a long time with no answer, sometimes I forget to listen, sometimes I forget what I stand for, sometimes I make decisions that I shouldn't, sometimes I reach too high, sometimes I lose hope, and sometimes I am scared; truly and honestly scared. 

I would never actually like to admit that. But this is my blogger in which no one ever reads. 

I'm scared. I'm scared about this summer going to Thailand and I'm scared about this fall attending Liberty University. I shouldn't worry- because God's plan for my life is going to be incredible. But, knowing that- I'm still afraid of being unsuccessful more than anything. 

I am eternally blessed, I have a father who loves me unconditionally, I am used by Christ, I am in love with Him, I have security in eternal life, I have a father who has overcome the world, I am never alone, when I am weak; my God is my strength, when I am strong; He makes me stronger, I serve the God who created the beginning and the end, He chooses to use a wretch like me, I am constantly growing in His love, my faith cannot be shattered, my hope lies in His truth, my heart belongs to Him, I have confidence that He will carry me through, He notices all the things that I do, He knows my sincerity, He reminds me to listen, when I break He puts me back together again-strong than before,  He has commanded me to be strong and courageous, truly and honestly strong and courageous.

I've realized, you can never truly see God's plan for your life when your eyes are filled with tears. To be fearful is ludicrous considering the fact that the only human to escape death, whose father created the very essence of my being, is on MY side.

...But I've got this whole, constant sick-to-my stomach feeling that doesn't want to leave me alone. So, prayer requests? Well, one that the 80+ support letters I sent out would be praying about supporting me-because there is a deadline soon and I will need 50% of the money for Thailand by then. Also, for me as I'm trying to spiritually and mentally prepare myself for the trip... And for discipline in my studies. I think that sums it up.

Thank you :o)

-Aly

Because that's the way it is.

Sometimes I can be discouraged so easily.

I want to have faith, but it's slipping away from me no

matter how hard I try to hold on it seems. I have very

many decision to make, and tests to study for, & papers

to write- but there never seems to be enough time in

the world. WHYYYYYY must I have to blindly choose

what to do when it comes to this fall? Now, I know that's

not completely legit, I am earnestly praying for where God

would have me, but He hasn't replied. That leaves me feeling

scared and in the dark, even though I know he doesn't mean

for it to. 

I have so much reading to do, I've really let myself get behind.

No good, no good. Also, I woke up this morning with a sick bug...

and in a very awful mood. I'm feeling a bit better now, though-

thank you Lord. but wow, this blog SHOULD be labeled "How

many things can Aly complain about in 5 minutes." I truly am

sorry for to you if you're reading this, because it's out of

character. 

OK, bye.

We can never escape God's lovely essence.

&we'reback

Remember this. When people choose to withdraw far from a fire,

 the fire continues to give them warmth, but they grow cold. 

When people choose to withdraw far from light, 

the Light continues to be bright in itself, but they are in darkness.

This is also true when people withdraw from God.

~Augustine

ohhhhhhhhh dear,

It's been awhile since I've blogged. First, finals; then, Christmas festivities. I went to Illinois with my family. It was great to get to catch up with everyone. I absolutely adore my cousins, nieces, nephew, grandparents aunts & uncles; I couldn't have been blessed with a more incredible family & am sad that my visit to the north had to end.

College. College. College. Being a senior in high school, the most popular questions pertain to college and my plans for this fall. And sure, I have many ideas and plans,  but God hasn't exactly given me that certain direction to what HIS plan and HIS ideas are for me in the fall. It's nerve wrecking, most definitely. I've applied to Liberty University & have acceptance there-- It's a possibility and a hope still. I've started my application to Moody, so we shall see how that goes as well. But typing anymore of college stuff is unnecessary. I onlyyyyy have a few more days of break & I am most definitely not wanting them to pass by too fast or with too much thought of school, ya dig? :)

mmmmm, anyways as it's almost 3AM I think it's time for me to wrap this brief post up. But I'm sure to be back on here soon. It's been a super awesome week. :o)

-Aly

And even though the letting go can be the hardest part, I think it's time you start.

Sometimes I have so much that I want to say,

but I can't find the words to write. My heart wants

to explode... but I can't seem to articulate my experiences lately. 

Oh, and there went November....

fighting the inevitable-

This is not going to be a happy post.

My grandma passed away on Friday evening... but before this, my parents and I drove the 18 hours to Saint Jo Missouri to visit with her before she passed; and we did. When we arrived she wasn't very responsive. I could talk to her and she would look at me...I know she must have heard me... I felt her saying I love you back. She would grip and hold my hand... But I knew she was barely holding on. We stayed with her till 3AM then came back the next morning and stayed with her all day till around 1. We continued the next day to spend the time with her, only now when I would speak to her, she wouldn't look at me... When I would hold her hand, it would be solely  me doing the gripping. That evening she passed away. I was there with her; I had just been holding her, just singing to her... and then I watched her take her last breath. 

I'm not sure anything could have prepared me for the pain I feel from this experience. She is happier now. She is in a better place. She is with Jesus. All these things, still, do not make my pain go away- They have made hers leave, which is wonderful. But as for me, I still feel hurt, scared, helpless. I know I will get better- but this event among others have just taken their toll on me.

I want to feel peace- even if only for a second. I need to know that something is right; That something is secure.  I can't pretend any longer that I've got it all together. Things are falling apart, and I can no longer hold the pieces together. I'm not strong enough....

God, please help me. I can't do this on my own.

"Enter encouraging scripture here."

Everybody is somebody.

What an incredible last few weeks it has been.

Blue Ridge 2008 was indescribable.
I've been blessed with so many wonderful memories and
surrounded by the best leaders and friends that one could ask for.

The week has by far been one of my very most favorite weeks of my life. This is definitely not something that I say often. my 5th year experience was blessed with:

*Growing deeper in relationships with others.

*Learning even more the characteristics to become a leader.

*Group 44... you girls are beautiful! on the outside, and in your hearts.

*Steve Tarver's circuit training.

*Classes with the W's

*KLC. Kerr? Kerr?

*Kate Brown and Ashley Ellis.

I could go on forever, but I will be the only one to understand most
of these highlights anyways.
_________________________________________________

This past week was middle school week 1 at camp. It was great.
My girls were so very awesome. Emily, was camper of the week this week, and the fire were the honor cabin. It was just so great... the longer I'm a counselor, the more I like it; every week I just love it more and love doing the things that I do. Here is a love list-

-Being in the fire.
-Bristol being my co-counselor.
-Teaching first year prayer and bible drill.
-Leading Nukem with Allicia.
-CABIN DEVOTIONS.
-Morning Snack Shack.
-Praise and worship.
-Boomsnapclapsnap secret handshakes.
-Life guarding & life guard tea & cookie time.

It's been great. Tomorrow starts another new week, and I can't wait :o)




Meanwhile, Christ has been transforming my heart. I've grown so much more in love with Him. He's been revealing so many new things to me lately. I wish I could type more, but sleep is calling and I've got people to meet at the hot chocolate booth at church in the morning. Then, golden corral Sunday? hmm. tomorrow should be good.


-AER