And even though the letting go can be the hardest part, I think it's time you start.

Sometimes I have so much that I want to say,

but I can't find the words to write. My heart wants

to explode... but I can't seem to articulate my experiences lately. 

Oh, and there went November....

fighting the inevitable-

This is not going to be a happy post.

My grandma passed away on Friday evening... but before this, my parents and I drove the 18 hours to Saint Jo Missouri to visit with her before she passed; and we did. When we arrived she wasn't very responsive. I could talk to her and she would look at me...I know she must have heard me... I felt her saying I love you back. She would grip and hold my hand... But I knew she was barely holding on. We stayed with her till 3AM then came back the next morning and stayed with her all day till around 1. We continued the next day to spend the time with her, only now when I would speak to her, she wouldn't look at me... When I would hold her hand, it would be solely  me doing the gripping. That evening she passed away. I was there with her; I had just been holding her, just singing to her... and then I watched her take her last breath. 

I'm not sure anything could have prepared me for the pain I feel from this experience. She is happier now. She is in a better place. She is with Jesus. All these things, still, do not make my pain go away- They have made hers leave, which is wonderful. But as for me, I still feel hurt, scared, helpless. I know I will get better- but this event among others have just taken their toll on me.

I want to feel peace- even if only for a second. I need to know that something is right; That something is secure.  I can't pretend any longer that I've got it all together. Things are falling apart, and I can no longer hold the pieces together. I'm not strong enough....

God, please help me. I can't do this on my own.

"Enter encouraging scripture here."

Everybody is somebody.

What an incredible last few weeks it has been.

Blue Ridge 2008 was indescribable.
I've been blessed with so many wonderful memories and
surrounded by the best leaders and friends that one could ask for.

The week has by far been one of my very most favorite weeks of my life. This is definitely not something that I say often. my 5th year experience was blessed with:

*Growing deeper in relationships with others.

*Learning even more the characteristics to become a leader.

*Group 44... you girls are beautiful! on the outside, and in your hearts.

*Steve Tarver's circuit training.

*Classes with the W's

*KLC. Kerr? Kerr?

*Kate Brown and Ashley Ellis.

I could go on forever, but I will be the only one to understand most
of these highlights anyways.
_________________________________________________

This past week was middle school week 1 at camp. It was great.
My girls were so very awesome. Emily, was camper of the week this week, and the fire were the honor cabin. It was just so great... the longer I'm a counselor, the more I like it; every week I just love it more and love doing the things that I do. Here is a love list-

-Being in the fire.
-Bristol being my co-counselor.
-Teaching first year prayer and bible drill.
-Leading Nukem with Allicia.
-CABIN DEVOTIONS.
-Morning Snack Shack.
-Praise and worship.
-Boomsnapclapsnap secret handshakes.
-Life guarding & life guard tea & cookie time.

It's been great. Tomorrow starts another new week, and I can't wait :o)




Meanwhile, Christ has been transforming my heart. I've grown so much more in love with Him. He's been revealing so many new things to me lately. I wish I could type more, but sleep is calling and I've got people to meet at the hot chocolate booth at church in the morning. Then, golden corral Sunday? hmm. tomorrow should be good.


-AER

What if I stumble?

"The most important thing in life is to stop saying "I wish" and start saying "I will".  Consider nothing impossible, then treat possibilities as probabilities." 

Is this one for the people? Or is this one for the Lord?

Or do I simply serenade for the things I must afford?

You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains.

Holiness is calling in the midsts of courting fame.

(Cause' I see the trust in their eyes)

     Though the sky is falling

(They need Your love in their lives)

     Compromise is calling.

What if I stumble? What if I fall?

What if I loose my step and I make fools of us all?

Will the love continue, when the walk becomes a crawl?

What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Early week for camp was last week. I loved it a lot. I had some incredible campers, who not only impressed me with their selflessness but as well as their spiritual maturity and eagerness to seek God's will for their lives. In the last few weeks God's taught me a lot about myself, and the person He created me to be. I've learned certain strengths of myself as well as certain weaknesses. He's also given me the courage to face those

 weaknesses and through Him become stronger in them. The

 feeling I have in Christ is becoming more indescribable everyday. I'm excited to be learning more about His love, and falling more in love with Him every single day.

Here are some highlight from early week--

--The waterfront 

--Organic healthy handfuls 

--The Miracle

--Nathan Liggitt during staff meeting

--Apple dapples 

--CIT's & Co-counselors 

--Bon qui qui impressions @ snack shack.

--Mr. Dave's speaking & coolio tricks.

--Juggle boy 

I was blessed with some great memories, to say the least.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"As the water reflects the face, so the heart reflects the person."

--Psalm 27:19

This week has been our staff orientation week. Today I found out the jobs I'll have during thus summer, as well as my co-counselor and cabin assignments. So needless to say, I am pretty much very excited about this summer and the jobs I'll be doing; the people I'll be surrounded with. It's going to be incredible, and I can't wait till it gets started.

 

As I start off this summer, I really want my heart to be humbled through Christ & the work I'll be doing this summer. It's so much easier said than done.

"Humility is strength under control."

It's really easy to give so much of yourself and want something in return. It's also easy to think "I've given so much, that I am an incredible person for doing so" in the bible it says,

"Let another praise you, and not your own mouth--

a stranger, and not your own lips." Psalms 27:2 

For me, I get in the groove that I'll give and give and give, and expect others to praise me for the good jobs I've done, and when I don't get the praise/encouragement, it's easy for me to get down on myself and think I'm not doing good enough for them. It's in this point where I have to look at who it is I am serving, and who it is I must be adequate enough for. Who is it that the work I do is for? It's not for the staff I work with, my co-counselor, or my campers necessarily... But my God in heaven who called me to serve for Him and serve others through Him with the gifts and talents He's given to me. I'm called to give Him the glory. It's in these areas I need to become 100% more selfless & humble. Humility is a characteristic I will be striving for this summer.

"... And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8

ahh well, orientation lasts 4 more days. Then I'll leave for Blue Ridge Leaders School, and Be back to camp for the rest of my summer. 

until next time, (which you never know with me)

--Aly

"In worship, we aren't responding to circumstances

and situations in the church or in the world... rather

our response is to God--God the Father, God the Son, 

and God the holy spirit."

~Robert Webber   

5,6,7,8 I think that your really great.

"I call to God and the Lord saves me."

Psalms 55:16

So here I am sitting in panera bread blogging.

I have been extremely stressed lately. There is so much going on with me! from school stress, to family to friends. I've had to make a few very tough decisions lately that have me hurting in one way or another, but I know that God will heal that in me. I've given everything to Him, my time and summer, ect. I want Him to be able to use me  in whichever way He pleases, it's just so hard to give things up without seeing His plan in full. I'm trying to hold on and have faith, and I know He knows what He's doing! It's just so hard to sit back, be patient, and wait for the Lord. But, I will surely continue to do so. 

Some good news, is my big sister Angie had a baby boy Wednesday afternoon:) I'm so very excited and filled with joy! His name is Drake, and I knew the  whole time he would be a boy. this is her third and the other two are girls, so in my heart I knew her husband needed a boy and I knew that that's what God was going to provide :o) My family and I are going to Illinois to visit in a couple of weeks and I could not be more excited. My closest friend Rachel is going to fly up and her and I are going to stay an extra week with my grandma having some girl time and such before summer starts, I am sooo incredibly excited!!

After a lot of praying and consulting with God, He's shown me

where I'm suppose to be this summer. I'll be working at New Life Camp as a camp counselor, and though that means sacrificing a lot of other things, He's assured me this is where He wants me. It's so interesting to see the way that God works, from last summer, being my first summer completely away from Camp, to this summer, being completely there the entire summer. I'm very excited and nervous all in one. It's an interesting feeling, to say the least.

Classes for me end in a few weeks, it's hard to believe that at the end of this semester, I have one more year left of high school.  I'm so very anxious to see what He's going to do with me come next fall! It's going to be great. 

Anyways, I think this is about it.

-Aly

"Now devote your heart to seeking the Lord your God. "

-1 Chronicles 22:19

"Now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in you."

- Psalms 39:7

"Wait for the Lord; be courageous and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord."

-Psalms 27:14

"Those who know your name trust in You because You have not

abandoned those who seek You, Lord."

-Psalms 9:10