My grandma passed away on Friday evening... but before this, my parents and I drove the 18 hours to Saint Jo Missouri to visit with her before she passed; and we did. When we arrived she wasn't very responsive. I could talk to her and she would look at me...I know she must have heard me... I felt her saying I love you back. She would grip and hold my hand... But I knew she was barely holding on. We stayed with her till 3AM then came back the next morning and stayed with her all day till around 1. We continued the next day to spend the time with her, only now when I would speak to her, she wouldn't look at me... When I would hold her hand, it would be solely me doing the gripping. That evening she passed away. I was there with her; I had just been holding her, just singing to her... and then I watched her take her last breath.
I'm not sure anything could have prepared me for the pain I feel from this experience. She is happier now. She is in a better place. She is with Jesus. All these things, still, do not make my pain go away- They have made hers leave, which is wonderful. But as for me, I still feel hurt, scared, helpless. I know I will get better- but this event among others have just taken their toll on me.
I want to feel peace- even if only for a second. I need to know that something is right; That something is secure. I can't pretend any longer that I've got it all together. Things are falling apart, and I can no longer hold the pieces together. I'm not strong enough....
God, please help me. I can't do this on my own.
"Enter encouraging scripture here."
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