I don't belong here

For whatever reason lately I've been feeling disconnected. From my family, from school, from Raleigh, from Virginia, from Illinois- from any place I've ever called home. Even when I am surrounded by people I love I have felt disconnected. If you've felt this way before, you know this emotion is not a comfortable one to have. I am sad to say that I know I have handled the emotion with immaturity. I have so full heartedly been seeking the Lord and His will for me, my faith has been strong and my doubt has been thwarted. In that, I know this feeling of disconnection is a tool from the enemy to draw me away from furthering the Kingdom. In this feeling of being distant and disconnected I began searching for my purpose. I've been searching everywhere trying to understand why it is that I am here and were I'm suppose to be and to who I belong.

In all of this searching and scrambling I've allowed myself to become consumed in all of these insignificant earthly thoughts. I've been pushed off track and worries and wonders have flooded my insight and passion. My instinct was to become disappointed in myself, but I've realized now more than ever that I am a target. No one ever said following God with every lashing effort was going to be easy. No one said you wouldn't cry. No one said your passion would come easy. The only thing promised, is that He would never leave us to stand alone.

Following Christ takes sacrifice and surrender. It's not always easy, and persecution is always on it's way; but when you enter this incredible journey and relationship with the One who has created you, you'll never be the same.

I've made my decision, I know where my inheritance lies.

In the midst of the enemy telling me I am alone and disconnected and that I don't belong here I've come to one realization.

I truly don't belong here. My citizenship is in Heaven. My heart can be tempted and tainted but I will forever rest in that truth.

My heart is steadfast, my mind has been made a long time ago. One slip off a path will not be enough from keeping my God from using me and captivating my every essence.

"Father, help me to see this isn't my full reward; help my soul to know it's not here."

-Shelly Moore Band

Father,

Keep my eyes on you. Please give me Your strength and Your wisdom to keep myself in check. Help me to continue to love Your people with an undeniable passion. Help me to understand the significance of surrender. Help me to deny myself the ways of this world in pursuit for your Holy will for me. I love you, too.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lost it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" Mark 8:34-36

A thankful heart

Lord,



You are bigger, You are stronger. You are the deliverer. You provide and You never stop loving. You have forgiven me, You died and saved me. You are jealous for me and Your ways are wondrous. Your love is vast and Your will is perfect. You have restored me completely and You comfort continuously. You have called me as Your own; You know me, and You have ownership over me. You are the only good in me. You constantly sustain me. You were before all things and all things come together for Your good. Abba, You bless me, You protect me, You FIGHT for me. You hold me in the palm of Your hand. You have called me Your child. You don't need me, but You use me anyways. You are my purpose. You set me FREE. You strengthen me. You are sovereign, You are bold with power and grace- Your mercy is UNDENIABLE. I am ever thankful Father that You have used me and love me. You have called me Your daughter. You have my broken heart; humble my prideful mind. You give me peace, You are the quencher of my thirsty soul. You are gracious to me; You are the example of selfless. You allow me the PRIVILEGE of worshipping You. and oh, I am so thankful.

I love you, too.

let the good times roll

"My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." -Psalm 84:2

Abba,

Help my passion for you rise, and my distractions fade; let my faith remain.

Please become my sole purpose

Please be my One and Only; my Beloved

Help my eyes to stay on You

Give me and obsession for Your Word

Let my life be a testimony to those around me

Allow people to look at me and see only You

Help me to do better; to be better

I love you too, father.

Time is on our side.

Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future:

I’ve been avoiding this one for awhile. It’s taken me a few days to decide how to answer it, but I’m just going to go ahead and compile somewhat of a list. I have a jar in my dorm room and the jar is filled with qualities that I look for in a husband; so here we go.

The man I’d be most interested in will:

1. Have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He’ll understand the significance of being saved and of sacrifice and surrender to the King.

2. Seek after the Lord’s own heart just like David.

3. Pray for wisdom like Solomon.

4. Be equally yolked with me. (2 Corinthians 6:14-18)

5. Has to be okay with adopting an Asian baby.

6. Must enjoy: Hiking, climbing things, camping.

7. Some sort of artistic ability (music, photography, ect.)

8. Some sort of athletic ability (the desire to take care of them self)

9. A strong love for his family.

10. A strong love for his mother.

11. An actual sense of humor.

12. Discretion for serious situations.

13. Protective over what he loves.

14. Generous.

15. Stable.

16. Able to lead, but make decisions together.

17. Has a sense of drive and perseverance.

18. Encouraging and assuring.

19. Zero arrogance.

20. Able to criticize and take criticism.

21. Able to love without bounds (firstly of the savor)

22. Allow me to have the biggest dog in the whole world.

23. Have a strong passion and beliefs unable to be wavered.

24. Has a sense of adventure.

25. Could live in another country.

I think that’s good.