This has been a very difficult year for me. I know people say that your first year at college will probably be the easiest, but I don't think that's true for me. My character, my heart, my faith my very essence has been stretched and torn apart in so many ways I wasn't expecting. I knew I was going to grow and mature, but not in the way that I have. God's way is ultimately better, but in my human insignificance I could have never thought I would grow the way that I have. When I look back to 8 months ago, I don't think I could have possibly prepared myself for the year I had ahead of me. I know that's why God didn't choose to enlighten me the way He was going to use me, and how He was going to use me this year... I'm truly thankful for that, because He does know my character and He does know that I worry and He does know that I allow myself to be overwhelmed so easily. (He also knows I'm working on that)
I think what frustrates me the most, is that I know I've come so far, but I am so aware of how far I still have to go from here. I know the ways I need to grow and mature in and I have such a desire to grow in my faith and knowledge of the love and word of God.
Being on leadership my freshman year was the best thing that could have happened to me. Through leading my prayer group each week I was given so much. I grew immensely through teaching, and I also bonded with a group of amazing girls and was able to love, encourage, and pray for them joyfully.
A couple weeks ago I did a lesson about pieces. I first used Romans 12:1-2 which talks about sacrificing our bodies as a spiritual act of worship to the Lord. I told them that as humans, we so easily take pieces of ourselves and give them away to people, or thoughts, worries, and more. Then I explained that as Christians, it should be our desire to be used by God to the fullest, and in order to do that we literally need to sacrifice all our will and desires in order to be used by His good, pleasing, and perfect will. (Rom 12:2) I was asked to give the lesson again last night to our Leadership Prayer Groups. But I added a something: I've realized since I did the lesson with my prayer group, that sometimes we give these pieces away subconsciously. I realized that I do this way too much... slowly but surely I begin to fall into pieces, then continue to take those pieces and give them to other people and to my own thoughts and desires.
An analogy I used was to think of flower pots. Now, flower pots, just as us have been created for a specific purpose. They were made in order for things to be planted and cultivated in order to grow into beautiful things. I took a hammer and broke the flower pot into a ton of pieces and explained that in pieces, the flower pot can't be used for what it was created to do. You may be able to put some dirt on one of the pieces, but nothing will grow. I feel like this is the perfect example for when we are in pieces.
My encouragement was to get serious about submission to Christ; take a step back, revaluate and see where the pieces of our lives our. Once we've surrendered all the pieces over to Him, everything else falls into place; we become whole.
I've so desperately been called out by this in my own life. I needed to take my own advice, and slowly but surely, things are falling back into place.
