I don't belong here

For whatever reason lately I've been feeling disconnected. From my family, from school, from Raleigh, from Virginia, from Illinois- from any place I've ever called home. Even when I am surrounded by people I love I have felt disconnected. If you've felt this way before, you know this emotion is not a comfortable one to have. I am sad to say that I know I have handled the emotion with immaturity. I have so full heartedly been seeking the Lord and His will for me, my faith has been strong and my doubt has been thwarted. In that, I know this feeling of disconnection is a tool from the enemy to draw me away from furthering the Kingdom. In this feeling of being distant and disconnected I began searching for my purpose. I've been searching everywhere trying to understand why it is that I am here and were I'm suppose to be and to who I belong.

In all of this searching and scrambling I've allowed myself to become consumed in all of these insignificant earthly thoughts. I've been pushed off track and worries and wonders have flooded my insight and passion. My instinct was to become disappointed in myself, but I've realized now more than ever that I am a target. No one ever said following God with every lashing effort was going to be easy. No one said you wouldn't cry. No one said your passion would come easy. The only thing promised, is that He would never leave us to stand alone.

Following Christ takes sacrifice and surrender. It's not always easy, and persecution is always on it's way; but when you enter this incredible journey and relationship with the One who has created you, you'll never be the same.

I've made my decision, I know where my inheritance lies.

In the midst of the enemy telling me I am alone and disconnected and that I don't belong here I've come to one realization.

I truly don't belong here. My citizenship is in Heaven. My heart can be tempted and tainted but I will forever rest in that truth.

My heart is steadfast, my mind has been made a long time ago. One slip off a path will not be enough from keeping my God from using me and captivating my every essence.

"Father, help me to see this isn't my full reward; help my soul to know it's not here."

-Shelly Moore Band

Father,

Keep my eyes on you. Please give me Your strength and Your wisdom to keep myself in check. Help me to continue to love Your people with an undeniable passion. Help me to understand the significance of surrender. Help me to deny myself the ways of this world in pursuit for your Holy will for me. I love you, too.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lost it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" Mark 8:34-36